Tipping Pitches: Dear Blog: Happy One Week Birthday!


Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Dear Blog: Happy One Week Birthday!

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Dear Blog:

Seven days ago, you exited BlogSpot's womb a bloody mess.  You talked when it seemed that no one was listening.  One week later, we're still not entirely sure if anyone is reading you.  Maybe it's because you're still learning how to talk.  Still learning the ways of the blog.  You're a little wobbly.  One foot in front of the other.

You did get two comments!  Of course, one of those comments was "Test" from me.  I just couldn't figure out how to delete it.  The other was from Griff, and that dude was probably drunk commenting.  You know Griff.

According to bit.ly, about 25-30 people are clicking on the links I throw out to promote you.  It's possible I'm a bad promoter.  Straight out of college, I tried the telemarketer thing for a while.  I sucked.  You can't sell something you wouldn't buy yourself.

But I believe in you, blog.  And I'm completely comfortable writing this cornball entry because I know that no one is actually reading it.  Maybe it's because your words suck.  Maybe it's because of the lame design.  Maybe it's my weak promotional skills.  I know, blog, stop pointing fingers already.  Serious. 

Dude, I'm serious!

On the bright side, bit.ly only tracks the clicks from Facebook and Twitter.  Maybe we already have loyal readers who are returning every day or referred by a friend! 

Eh, yeah, probably not.  According to Google Analytics, we had 18 visitors yesterday.  Oh, wait, my bad.  That was 18 visits.  Only 13 visitors.  I probably visited five times myself.

What?  Oh, right.  Bad math.  Technically, that would be six times myself.

They say to be patient.  You are, after all, only a week old now.  I know, I'm being a pushy parent.  But get off your ass and sell yourself.  Tired of carrying the weight around here.

Your Pops,


P.S.  Seriously, stop screwing up.  You're an embarrassment to your mom and me. 


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