Tipping Pitches: MLB 2010 Non-Predictions: 10 Things That Will Happen


Saturday, April 3, 2010

MLB 2010 Non-Predictions: 10 Things That Will Happen

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These aren't predictions. These are the things that we know will happen this year. Why? Because they happen every year.

10. The Yankees will make the playoffs.

9. The Red Sox will make the playoffs.

8. As a result of the Yankees and Red Sox making the playoffs, small market fans will scream for a salary cap. Red Sox and Yankees fans will laugh at them.

7. There will be no salary cap.

6. The Cubs won't win the World Series.

5. Fewer than three Major League players will get busted for steroids. As a result, Bud Selig will proudly proclaim that "testing is working."

4. Jeff Suppan will suck.

3. Some obscure player will start out on fire for the first month of the season. Mainstream media will fall over themselves, calling him "the real deal." Soon after, said player sucks again and mainstream media forgets.

2. Tim McCarver will say dumb stuff and Joe Morgan will attempt to one up him by belittling Sabermetrics. Both will keep their jobs. The world will groan.

1. Hundreds will make safe predictions before the season starts. Hundreds will make unconventional predictions before the season starts. No one will be right, but no one will care.

What did I leave out?


Anonymous said...

The Mets' medical staff will misdiagnose a player injury again, but they will all keep their jobs.

Jon Loomer on April 03, 2010 said...

Word, Anonymous. Can always count on that.

Anonymous said...

The Astros will win 10 games in a row right after the All Star Break, giving Houston fans a small glimmer of hope that will last about 4-5 weeks and then be crushed in a single three game series against the Cardinals.

Jon Loomer on April 05, 2010 said...

Gotta love those fans with crushed dreams! Scars and jades us.

Anonymous said...

David Wright will have a great first half, get voted onto the All-Star team, then suck wind in the second half.

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